The last 2 years or so i've found myself in so many unfamiliar situations. From work, living arrangements, friendships, relationships, etc. All involving different people, different circumstances, and different ways of dealing with each scenario. But one thing that I do see across the board, that would not only help me, but also some of the people in my life is truly maturing as individuals. I know I have so much to learn, so much room to grow, and grow up. The thing is, everyone needs help. Financially, emotionally, mentally(some more than others, including myself)maybe some need help with all 3. I guess we all kind of need help somewhere. People as a culture, thrive and feed off response. I don't know too many people who can shut themselves out from the world permanently and be ok. Sure, we all can go off the grid for a while; shut the door, be left alone- but not for ever. Look what happened to Tom Hanks in Castaway. That's real concepts there.
Newton said it best; "every action has an equal and opposite reaction." This is so true. Everything we do is reactive- somethings are pro-active to prevent a reactive measure, but we still do it because we have to. I get up for work because at the end of the day, I need money to pay my bills. No money, no bill payments, no cell phone, no housing- you get the idea. It's all reactions inside what is considered "your" universe. So many things affect your universe now a days too. My biggest gripe recently is my love/hate relationship with social media; mainly facebook. The idea of subliminal shots fired for the world to see at people is childish in itself; and i'm as guilty as the next guy. Matter of fact; i'm good at it, and I often do it without thinking, then deal with the repercussions later. It causes a MASSIVE reaction from the person you wrote it about; knowing when you did it you'd be expecting that negativity. Actually, you bank on it. Because you know that every action has a reaction. See what I did there? I'm a HUGE say something then backpedal guy, but i've been proactively trying to change that; counting to 100 before I decide to spit off anything.
I have found that Facebook can be more detrimental to relationships and friendships than have positive affects on them. We've all done it- creep someone's page, going months, maybe longer back in their posts, finding out things that have no relevance to you, yet you let it enrage you. What has society become? And the worst part, is we feel a sense of fulfillment when posts are "liked" or commented on. It's global social reassurance, and it's ruining the socioeconomic balance of things. Confidence and personalities are built and tore down on social media; and there is no way to stop it. I debate with myself weekly on removing my account; but just the announcement of it on facebook is attention-seeking- go figure.
I can't tell you how many times an argument has sprung between the girl i'm currently dating and myself based on postings on Facebook. Worst part- (and i'll be honest) most of the time, she's in the right. But it's funny; now, there are so many channels of communication, a reaction post on Facebook may have been originated from a verbal interaction; or a text. How unbelievable is that? How literally childish is that, on both parties? I posted something childish based on something she posted; or vice versa. Do you see where this is going? The internet leaves nothing yet everything to interpretation; and the idea of posting feelings and thoughts into a publicly viewed cloud for each person to take it in their own way is nuts. It's toxic when interacted within the parameters of these scenarios. Interpretations can be dangerous, and they have led to arguments in my relationship as well- reactions being incorrect from both sides, yet again. Dating can be difficult enough without these ridiculous complications. I mean that.
Here is where I come back to the "growing up and maturing" topic of my blog; just as I recognize my faults when dealing with social media,others should too. Subliminal shot fired? Yes. If i've done you wrong, call me out on it. I need to know i've crossed the boundaries of our friendship or relationship; without criticism, we can't grow. But be prepared to hear that it's a reaction to something you've done; not an unwarranted act of random feelings. I can criticize too, but I prefer to bring things to attention; not explode. Not that I don't explode- I have, but I try not to. I will admit my wrongs, and I feel at this stage in life I deserve to surround myself with people who can admit their wrongs, and adjust, as I try so hard to do. Maturing is learning new things and applying them to your life; then dealing with them in an adult way. If you don't like something about someone, let them know. But delivery is key! Don't freak out first- it's like shooting first and asking questions later. Asking questions is a great way to open dialogue on solving issues; attacking them causes animosity between the two of you. I don't know what goes on in your head, or how you interpreted the issue at hand- and I hope to get the same respect in return. That's how adults work things out, and I'm finding there is less and less room in my life for complications and people who aren't working to be in your life. Maybe, that's the allure to social media; we all think we have more friends than we really do, and we don't have to put up or deal with the stuff we don't like about them; we can mute them or scroll over their posts. But what does that say about your friendship? Friendships and relationships are work; and if you can't deal with them at their worst, you don't deserve them at their best. That's HARD TRUTH. Respect those who are working on themselves; trying to better themselves. Support that person, and they'll care about you forever. Can you really get that from your 500+ friends on Facebook? Probably not.
I know i'm right in it with everyone else. Matter of fact, i'll post a link for this blog to my Facebook page for all my friends to read if they choose. I have found the source of my need to post on social networking sites to be strictly attention-seeking. I have tried to rationalize that by saying I put stuff up there to keep "family and friends" informed...That's total BS. I look at my posts, and all are emotionally charged. You can tell when i'm crabby, i'm happy, i'm depressed, or angry. All by words typed into a computer, and sent off to the network of "friends" you have. The ultimate goal of a post? Get some reactions. People don't want to feel alone; they thrive on other people's opinions, and the more likes and comments you get, the more popular you feel. It's becoming too much for me, because I hope to gain the reactions of a few specific people. When I don't get it, I get frustrated. Really Richard? Grow up, just like the title says. It's ruining certain aspects of my life; and turning me into someone i'm not. I prefer personal interactions; i'm a bit more private by nature,but somehow i've found myself posting in public forum. It makes for very bad decisions, and has caused SERIOUS waves that didn't need to be created. Not all things about Facebook are bad, don't get me wrong. When you get a chance to see things friends and family ARE doing, it's nice to keep in touch. But for me, I prefer to talk face to face first, on the phone second, and texting third. Facebook messaging is a bit more intimate too, and I don't mind it- hypocrite, I know. I'm stuck in a paradox; I hate facebook and what it damage it has the power to cause; but I check it on my phone all day, because yes, I have the app for that. Maybe we all seek public approval- I know I just want to be "liked" just like a facebook status. But I need to start assessing the quality of people who like me- and for me, that's a huge step for me towards growing up, and eliminating my childish actions, and those by others in my life. Chew on that.
-R
