Turning off the paved road

What makes your life good? What makes my life good? Only we know, and can interpret it correctly for ourselves.  Every day I move in the direction I see myself going, yet sometimes I struggle. Even with my struggle though, I find myself still diligent in my pursuit of personal happiness.  From day to day it may change, as things sometimes do, so I just adjust my course accordingly. Is this rambling? I think so. 

But when do we reach the point that we realize no matter the age, that our life needs to start? whatt do we do? Can we handle it? Nothing is harder than self reflection and coming to the conclusion that we need to change.  Be it from a past relationship, poor life choices, job issues etc. we need to let go, and move past it.  I'm not saying that we've been living a life of mediocrity, and I'm in no way a life coach, trust me. I have just been through many life cycles and stages already, and I'm stumbling as I go trying to find the right path. 

One day though, I started to look at things with what seemed to be a different  pair of eyes; I suddenly felt a new sense of direction- a sense of higher morality, as if a new me has taken over. It's very hard to explain unless you've felt it. But a heightened sense of human nature seemed to kick in. What about my legacy? What about my future? All of a sudden I have these things on the brain, and suddenly wild nights in the city don't seem so appealing, and that sports car isn't first priority. These are extreme cases, but it's part of my thought process. 

I'm not sure where this new mindset will take me, but I'm open for new experiences and new ways of doing things. Apparently, a majority of the things I have been doing and my approach to my life hasn't worked out so well; so I'm mixing it up.  Again, I'm not in a bad place, I just feel stuck- and it's time for a new stage in life. We'll see how this works out- but I'm in it whole-heartedly until it doesn't work. Then, maybe I'll adjust again. Sometimes you have to just let go and trust that God has a plan... That's the first time I've said that, and we'll see what he has to say.

time.

It's been a super long time since I have dialed in an  entry- but today i'm feeling like I need to update this.  I'm hoping that in future years, providing these servers stay active I can read through this and have a peek into the times of my life I may forget.  Maybe i'll pass these on to my children one day, if I ever have any.  That in itself, is a whole other thought and entry, but it may come one day when I have to have that conversation with myself. Quietly, I hope sooner than later.

Today I had some time at work where I mentally checked out for a bit.  Come on; everyone does it. We daydream and reflect constantly, and we often get into our own heads.  I thought about times in my life that seemed to be monumental- first dance, first kiss, graduating high school- but they are fuzzy now.  I've realized that, although i'm still young and still have a long life to live, that I have begun to let memories slip away.  I remember bits and pieces of my teens and early 20's.  It's frustrating when I try to put a time frame (exact year dates, and chronological order to events) and I can't do it.  I also regret having very few photos of my life growing up from 15 years old on. only recently, being the last 3-4 years- do I have photos from good times and various stages of my life during these last 4 years.

How do I recover the lost ones?  You can't.  But you can certainly build now, and maintain your diligence in creating life lasting memories to show whoever in the future.  I have forgotten what it's like to graduate High School, the feeling I had of getting my License, what I felt when I had my first kiss- all is gone.  We get glimpses and small remembrances of these during similar situations, but it's funny how you will always be prepared now for that feeling; the newness is gone. First times are great, and are often lost in haste over time.   As I get a little older each year, I am trying to remember to pick up my head and view life; as it should be.  I try and savor those first time moments- as if captured on film.  I really let them sink in, as I try and slow my life down from it's ever moving, hectic nature.

The next time you kiss someone, reach a monumental achievement, fall in love, or succeed at a certain something, take a minute to live in that moment.  Sometimes we're too quick to move past what we just accomplished to realize how great it is, and if done right, you can live a life of happiness and achieve a higher sense of self while doing so.  It sounds hard; but really, it's just a conscious effort.  Surround yourself with positive people, find someone to love, and live life to the fullest.

It just gets better.

-Richie