Standing Up To Father Time....

This weekend I spent Friday night ringing in a friend's 30th birthday- and I had a good time. But I found myself taking much more away from the festivities than just celebrating with her and friends.  I think I found myself wondering about my life.  The weeks leading up to her party, my friend was harping on the idea of being "30." I was the one who was telling her (along with others) that it's no big deal- 30 is the new 20, blah, blah.  Periodically through the night I found myself wondering what I was doing with my life; not in a "poor me" sort of way, but more on the lines of "where do I want to be." But I do wonder this- considering where I have been in my life already.  Sometimes, I wonder if I've peaked; been married, successful career, etc.  But I know that can't be.  Somehow, I find myself happier now than ever before, sans a few things.  Tonight I watched Braveheart- a classic and fantastic movie about the way I feel life should be lived- intense, fierce, and fearless. 

I see people around me floating through life, or running away to other places when times are tough.  Sure; I'm all about the "change," considering I made the move to Tennessee from my New England roots.  But I don't want to retreat; I want to stand my ground and face adversity head on.  Sometimes, in order to get what you want, and feel you deserve, you need to take some bumps ad bruises.  Life throws you all sorts of obstacles, and some seem to get the best of you.  But fear not- for I know i'm a small cog in the universe, but I've experienced the bounce back, if you will.  I know I can't compare my situation to yours or others; but I've seen rock bottom- and if it gets worse, I care not to see that.  The difference with me is I see the trials and tribulations of others; and I sympathize and empathize with them.  I have friends and family in all states of life- Highs, lows, and some just maintaining.  I judge not, but I learn.

I see that many of them might have a rough 6 months to a year, then something gives.  Call it luck, call it coincidence, or heck, i'm open to call it prayer.  They catch a break; something just enough to make them realize there IS light at the end of the tunnel.  And there is.  I try and move forward towards my goal in life every day, one small step at a time.  But put together enough steps, and you'll find your stride- and that's where you learn to make leaps and bounds.  But be aware of the fact that, without fail, you will meet adversity.  You just need to find out if you're willing to stare it in the face and do battle.   As time goes on, we all find some William Wallace in us- and rise against the negativity and strife we face in order to change the world, or at least, our own worlds.  So, as the mighty Scotsman did,  love with passion, live with intensity, and fight for what is yours; family, friends, and the freedom to pursue happiness, whatever that may be.

To my dear friend Kristy- happy birthday, and I thank you for showing me I have so much to learn, and look forward to in my own life. I appreciate your friendship, and hope we celebrate many more birthdays as friends.

-R

Fishing for something...

Well, it's been about 4 months since my last entry, which only means good things, really. It's been a whirlwind few months- between work, relationships, life...blah, blah.  Work is great- I've stepped into a more prominent role, and it's much more fulfilling.  I can't explain it; but between the people I work with, and the projects I work on my days go by faster, yet much more full of fun as well.  It's a good setup, and I love every minute of it.

As the time passes, i've come to find out more about what life has to offer, and what i'm getting out of it.  I know i've written previously about what makes someone happy, and what I want, and I've been working hard at getting there.  Some things have varied; but all in all i'm on my way there.  I probably will never be a millionaire, but if I keep it up, i'll be richer in my surroundings.  I still think money can't buy happiness- but it sure can be used as a tool to help get you there.

I've met a few more people as a result of a new "theory" i'm working on.  I'm trying to be more outgoing and courageous in approaching new people. I put myself in a better position which makes me more open to chatting; resulting in me being much more settled in the art of conversation. I used to stumble; I wreaked of nervousness, which creates an unsettling environment for conversation. THIS is exactly where most people find their "approach anxiety."  That awkward moment where you run out of things to say because you lack the social practice.  I'm finding it more fulfilling, and easier to build on friendships and potential relationships.  I was told this weekend that my overly chatty demeanor isn't my nervousness; i'ts just my nature, I guess.  She was right.

You know, one thing with casting your line out in the water is the realization that you may not catch a fish; or you just may break your line.  But you'll never catch a fish if you don't cast it out there.  I know it's a stupid reference, but hey, i'm an outdoors man.  Getting the "let's be friends" line is tough; but it's also a saving grace.  You need to look at it as that person is setting you free to find the right one- besides, maybe they'd make you miserable.  I remain optimistic, and I find if you can put a positive spin on it all, you'll end up with a good friend.  It may take a while, but I try to remain friends or at least cordial with everyone I run into. It's my nature.

I leave you with this thought:
"The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is without doubt, but in spite of doubt."- Rollo May

-R