Think deeper to find the truth.

So this Sunday I attended church and the sermon was on 1st Timothy, chapter 4.  The premise behind the chapter that the pastor (and I, upon reading it thoroughly tonight) translated is really about diving into the intellectual aspect of faith- delving deeper than just emotional and physical feelings, but really knowing where your thought process comes from.  On a broader note, taking the time to learn and uncover the real truth in anything is the right path for your personal growth. 

So often people will issue you advice or suggest ways to approach things in life; make sure you process and assess what you were given, and think it through.  Always take the time to find the truth- this doesn't mean you alienate those people or argue with them; just know your truth.  So many times we wander from the inner strength and faith in what we know is true because of pressure and the need to fit in.  These are the tests and tribulations that we face every day. 

Whatever your belief system or lack there of, you should have an inner code of ethics regardless, and you should stick to them.  Life will throw curve balls at you everyday. This is how we as people can help prevent what I now see as the "wishy washy" personality. The pastor today talked about peaks and valleys; the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Maintaining that mountain top feeling never lasts.  How we deal with the decline and the valleys we end up in is where we find out how strong we are in our morality and beliefs.  Knowing what you believe in and your absolute truth will help you stay grounded and steadfast in the peaks And the valleys- no matter what is going on you can act the same. 

This will also help us as people set a great example for others. The passage that stuck out on this to me is:  

-"Don’t correct an older man, but encourage him like he’s your father; treat younger men like your brothers, treat older women like your mother, and treat younger women like your sisters with appropriate respect.

Teach these things so that the families will be without fault. (1 Timothy 5:1-2)"

I know that scripture isn't for everybody, and I'm not one to evangelize and push on others- but you can't deny the words above are in the right light, no matter what your belief system is. I'm still finding my way everyday, but I agree with the pastor in his belief that "knowledge is power." Not power as in strength or towering over others, but power to educate yourself in order to find your truth.  At work we read books on successful leadership and increasing your positive outlook, and on my own I've been reading scripture and personal behavioral articles and books. 

What has helped me the most is having the knowledge to help me formulate my truth; something that as I strengthen my inner confidence and find my own path I find easier to stay my personal chosen course.  The key is to not pick and choose what you apply and don't apply based on social norms and convenience but taking it all in and choose the right ways- and those only. 

Just do what is right for you- don't do it for anyone else. If you want to go to church every Sunday, go. If you want to sleep late every Saturday morning, do it. But make sure you're doing it for you, and that the reasons you're doing it for are true.  

Turning off the paved road

What makes your life good? What makes my life good? Only we know, and can interpret it correctly for ourselves.  Every day I move in the direction I see myself going, yet sometimes I struggle. Even with my struggle though, I find myself still diligent in my pursuit of personal happiness.  From day to day it may change, as things sometimes do, so I just adjust my course accordingly. Is this rambling? I think so. 

But when do we reach the point that we realize no matter the age, that our life needs to start? whatt do we do? Can we handle it? Nothing is harder than self reflection and coming to the conclusion that we need to change.  Be it from a past relationship, poor life choices, job issues etc. we need to let go, and move past it.  I'm not saying that we've been living a life of mediocrity, and I'm in no way a life coach, trust me. I have just been through many life cycles and stages already, and I'm stumbling as I go trying to find the right path. 

One day though, I started to look at things with what seemed to be a different  pair of eyes; I suddenly felt a new sense of direction- a sense of higher morality, as if a new me has taken over. It's very hard to explain unless you've felt it. But a heightened sense of human nature seemed to kick in. What about my legacy? What about my future? All of a sudden I have these things on the brain, and suddenly wild nights in the city don't seem so appealing, and that sports car isn't first priority. These are extreme cases, but it's part of my thought process. 

I'm not sure where this new mindset will take me, but I'm open for new experiences and new ways of doing things. Apparently, a majority of the things I have been doing and my approach to my life hasn't worked out so well; so I'm mixing it up.  Again, I'm not in a bad place, I just feel stuck- and it's time for a new stage in life. We'll see how this works out- but I'm in it whole-heartedly until it doesn't work. Then, maybe I'll adjust again. Sometimes you have to just let go and trust that God has a plan... That's the first time I've said that, and we'll see what he has to say.

time.

It's been a super long time since I have dialed in an  entry- but today i'm feeling like I need to update this.  I'm hoping that in future years, providing these servers stay active I can read through this and have a peek into the times of my life I may forget.  Maybe i'll pass these on to my children one day, if I ever have any.  That in itself, is a whole other thought and entry, but it may come one day when I have to have that conversation with myself. Quietly, I hope sooner than later.

Today I had some time at work where I mentally checked out for a bit.  Come on; everyone does it. We daydream and reflect constantly, and we often get into our own heads.  I thought about times in my life that seemed to be monumental- first dance, first kiss, graduating high school- but they are fuzzy now.  I've realized that, although i'm still young and still have a long life to live, that I have begun to let memories slip away.  I remember bits and pieces of my teens and early 20's.  It's frustrating when I try to put a time frame (exact year dates, and chronological order to events) and I can't do it.  I also regret having very few photos of my life growing up from 15 years old on. only recently, being the last 3-4 years- do I have photos from good times and various stages of my life during these last 4 years.

How do I recover the lost ones?  You can't.  But you can certainly build now, and maintain your diligence in creating life lasting memories to show whoever in the future.  I have forgotten what it's like to graduate High School, the feeling I had of getting my License, what I felt when I had my first kiss- all is gone.  We get glimpses and small remembrances of these during similar situations, but it's funny how you will always be prepared now for that feeling; the newness is gone. First times are great, and are often lost in haste over time.   As I get a little older each year, I am trying to remember to pick up my head and view life; as it should be.  I try and savor those first time moments- as if captured on film.  I really let them sink in, as I try and slow my life down from it's ever moving, hectic nature.

The next time you kiss someone, reach a monumental achievement, fall in love, or succeed at a certain something, take a minute to live in that moment.  Sometimes we're too quick to move past what we just accomplished to realize how great it is, and if done right, you can live a life of happiness and achieve a higher sense of self while doing so.  It sounds hard; but really, it's just a conscious effort.  Surround yourself with positive people, find someone to love, and live life to the fullest.

It just gets better.

-Richie

Resolutions.

2013 is over.  What a year though. What do people say? Another in the books, right? But I want to talk about 2014.  Everyone is about resolutions so here's mine:

Let go.  I hold onto things. Not physically, like hoarding, but mentally and emotionally. I can get caught up in something, have an idea how it should go and when it doesn't go that way, I fixate on it. From work, to friendships, and even personal projects. Let it go. Stress less, enjoy more.

Live life.  Really live. Do the things I want to do, and not set aside what I want to accommodate others.  We all often sacrifice for others; that's not a bad thing. But when it becomes a pattern, then it's an issue. I need to live for myself.  You can be assertive without being an asshole.

Stress less. I'd like to completely remove stress from my vocabulary but there aren't enough drugs on the planet to do that...kidding.  We all have stress; I'd like to work on ways to lower mine. It's not going to be easy, and it's going to take some mental strength and constant reminders, but it's a goal.

Love more.  Family, friends...just more. I'd like to see myself make more time for family- increase the quality of the time I spend with friends, and allow more people to do the same.  Make the effort on holidays, celebrate positive things together, and share more. Just more.

There it is. I'm sure there is more, but this list is dynamic; it'll change as I will.  That's the beauty of time.  I have 365 days to see how I do.  Hell, maybe I'll find someone who makes doing all this that much easier; and likes to keep it simple. Simple is always better.

-R

Standing Up To Father Time....

This weekend I spent Friday night ringing in a friend's 30th birthday- and I had a good time. But I found myself taking much more away from the festivities than just celebrating with her and friends.  I think I found myself wondering about my life.  The weeks leading up to her party, my friend was harping on the idea of being "30." I was the one who was telling her (along with others) that it's no big deal- 30 is the new 20, blah, blah.  Periodically through the night I found myself wondering what I was doing with my life; not in a "poor me" sort of way, but more on the lines of "where do I want to be." But I do wonder this- considering where I have been in my life already.  Sometimes, I wonder if I've peaked; been married, successful career, etc.  But I know that can't be.  Somehow, I find myself happier now than ever before, sans a few things.  Tonight I watched Braveheart- a classic and fantastic movie about the way I feel life should be lived- intense, fierce, and fearless. 

I see people around me floating through life, or running away to other places when times are tough.  Sure; I'm all about the "change," considering I made the move to Tennessee from my New England roots.  But I don't want to retreat; I want to stand my ground and face adversity head on.  Sometimes, in order to get what you want, and feel you deserve, you need to take some bumps ad bruises.  Life throws you all sorts of obstacles, and some seem to get the best of you.  But fear not- for I know i'm a small cog in the universe, but I've experienced the bounce back, if you will.  I know I can't compare my situation to yours or others; but I've seen rock bottom- and if it gets worse, I care not to see that.  The difference with me is I see the trials and tribulations of others; and I sympathize and empathize with them.  I have friends and family in all states of life- Highs, lows, and some just maintaining.  I judge not, but I learn.

I see that many of them might have a rough 6 months to a year, then something gives.  Call it luck, call it coincidence, or heck, i'm open to call it prayer.  They catch a break; something just enough to make them realize there IS light at the end of the tunnel.  And there is.  I try and move forward towards my goal in life every day, one small step at a time.  But put together enough steps, and you'll find your stride- and that's where you learn to make leaps and bounds.  But be aware of the fact that, without fail, you will meet adversity.  You just need to find out if you're willing to stare it in the face and do battle.   As time goes on, we all find some William Wallace in us- and rise against the negativity and strife we face in order to change the world, or at least, our own worlds.  So, as the mighty Scotsman did,  love with passion, live with intensity, and fight for what is yours; family, friends, and the freedom to pursue happiness, whatever that may be.

To my dear friend Kristy- happy birthday, and I thank you for showing me I have so much to learn, and look forward to in my own life. I appreciate your friendship, and hope we celebrate many more birthdays as friends.

-R

Fishing for something...

Well, it's been about 4 months since my last entry, which only means good things, really. It's been a whirlwind few months- between work, relationships, life...blah, blah.  Work is great- I've stepped into a more prominent role, and it's much more fulfilling.  I can't explain it; but between the people I work with, and the projects I work on my days go by faster, yet much more full of fun as well.  It's a good setup, and I love every minute of it.

As the time passes, i've come to find out more about what life has to offer, and what i'm getting out of it.  I know i've written previously about what makes someone happy, and what I want, and I've been working hard at getting there.  Some things have varied; but all in all i'm on my way there.  I probably will never be a millionaire, but if I keep it up, i'll be richer in my surroundings.  I still think money can't buy happiness- but it sure can be used as a tool to help get you there.

I've met a few more people as a result of a new "theory" i'm working on.  I'm trying to be more outgoing and courageous in approaching new people. I put myself in a better position which makes me more open to chatting; resulting in me being much more settled in the art of conversation. I used to stumble; I wreaked of nervousness, which creates an unsettling environment for conversation. THIS is exactly where most people find their "approach anxiety."  That awkward moment where you run out of things to say because you lack the social practice.  I'm finding it more fulfilling, and easier to build on friendships and potential relationships.  I was told this weekend that my overly chatty demeanor isn't my nervousness; i'ts just my nature, I guess.  She was right.

You know, one thing with casting your line out in the water is the realization that you may not catch a fish; or you just may break your line.  But you'll never catch a fish if you don't cast it out there.  I know it's a stupid reference, but hey, i'm an outdoors man.  Getting the "let's be friends" line is tough; but it's also a saving grace.  You need to look at it as that person is setting you free to find the right one- besides, maybe they'd make you miserable.  I remain optimistic, and I find if you can put a positive spin on it all, you'll end up with a good friend.  It may take a while, but I try to remain friends or at least cordial with everyone I run into. It's my nature.

I leave you with this thought:
"The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is without doubt, but in spite of doubt."- Rollo May

-R

This has been an interesting week, and it's only Wednesday.  Funny thing is, I usually sometimes only blog once a month, but this week, I'm pushing the envelope! I guess it's been so long since I actually wrote, that my mind is full of words.  That's OK though; it's a good thing.  I want to touch on quality of life, and what that means. It's a simple phrase, but it means so much to everyone- and to every individual, how they measure their quality of life is different. Each person has their own standards, and their own path to get there. Some things seem perpetually out of their grasp, some seem easily attainable.

What creates your ideal life I think, is what you want out of it. Material possessions, friends, family, money, location, etc. it's all part of your ideal life. My ideal life had changed drastically this past year; more than i'd care to admit some times. Maybe it's a shift in priorities, maybe it's a new found thought process.  All I know is, I don't want to be where I hoped I'd be 3 years ago.  That Richie is gone.  Matter of fact, the Richard of 2011 is gone.  The 2012 Richie is here to stay, hopefully!  I guess I'm struggling with my situation right now- I feel like I've been on the runway awaiting take off, but now my flight had been delayed, due to bad weather.  But I've weathered worse storms than this, for sure; and I'm actually looking forward to this one.  I think the exit from this small challenge is going to really define my future, and set me up for the EXACT path in life I hope to be on, and I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of excited.

I realized that for me, quality of life is about family, friends, and personal satisfaction. Coincidentally, they actually go hand in hand.  I am not a huge fan of being alone all the time, and I've come to accept it. I do well alone, and trust me I enjoy my solitude, but I like the company of good people.  I enjoy being around my family at home; it's a sense of safety, and comfort I get from being there.  I need to make some adjustments as to where I'm at, but I'm working on that now.  I miss my mother, who is back in New Hampshire, and my aunts and uncles who are up north as well.  I struggle sometimes with the notion that I'm getting older and older, and haven't had a chance to be a father, but if it's meant to be, it will.  I guess I haven't found the right person, and maybe that's a void I'm struggling to fill as well.  But that, is a different story. It is a huge part of my "quality of life" plan, though.

I find I'm not all about my "money" lately.  I spent almost 10 years of my life dedicating day and night to my own business, only to watch the things I mentioned above suffer.  Friends, family, and love all took a back seat to my personal financial success. Sure I loved what I did, and I wish I could do it again, but I need to find a way to balance the two- I need my "me" time to be with friends, family, and to be alone.  but I also need to find a job that I enjoy everyday- and I have had tastes, but never fully grasped it yet.  I'll find it, sooner or later.  I feel like I have a lot to offer this world, and I haven't found a vessel to get it all out.  Funny how I find myself pondering theories and thoughts while sitting in the grass in the back yard, staring up at the stars. It's there that I find the things that make me truly happy. The thoughts of the times I spent, and will spend with my dad, the way my mom smiles at me, and treats me like a kid, even though i'm almost 30! The call of the outdoors screams to me; man I love hiking, climbing, kyaking, cycling, anything outside really.  And I always see a familiar face; I don't know what it means, but it's there. A certain someone, no matter what happens, always comes back around to my thoughts, and it is what it is.  Add those all together, and I think i'd find myself on the path, if not arrived, to my perfect life.
-R