As the wind blows over the tops of the fall grass, the leaves dance together free from the grasps of the black jack oaks, I am reminded of you. Your hair,like rays of the sun draped gently over a face that is soft like the skin of a peach, shrouds a beauty so elegantly radiant. I find my days longer, stretched as my mind wanders to places so beautiful, ever escaping reality to find myself in intriguing happiness. You stand before me, encapsulated in a transparent aura of light, your smile brings warmth to my body; eyes, penetrating yet calming, they stay ready and focused with a soft haze of color surrounding a hole of black. Black is the color of lost, and to be lost in the eyes of a woman is a labyrinth of mystery, one can only hope to embrace. Created by earth's great wonders, composed of the blessings of the gods above, I find the thoughts of you cloud my memory. Wandering as the water finds the rocks in a river, my soul searches for a true companion; one who's path will cross mine, and flow into one, like the black foot rivers of Montana. Ever winding; but never stagnant, the water pushes the earth to form it's own path to uncertain destination- Tried and true, the water is loyal to it's purpose. It's origins traced back to a simpler of springs, sprung from a host of molecules, blessed by God himself.
I too, find myself wandering these days. But as I lay my head down on the earth, moist from the rains past; thirsty for the rains to come, I find a place of rest. A center of a soul lost but not found, still not forgotten. I look up at the sky, as the clouds meander to form bushels of cotton whisps, racing each other in the endless ocean of atmosphere, and I realize you're out there. The calm is but a bridge before the crescendo of life to come, as a symphony about to approach climactic heights of composition. The breath from my chest becomes tranquil, that reminiscent of the wind pattern, the slow rising, and following a current of soft bittersweet air. All cares and stresses have left my body, cleansed of the negative, as if the earth had taken from me my turmoil. I find myself alone; bound by a quantum of solace where my mind flows free of impurities; and again, I find you in my thoughts. The purest of pure, lust built on a hot bed of undiluted thoughts of infinite time spent with a person of such intrigue. My mind thirsts for the knowledge of your existence, your purpose, and your future. I'm engulfed in the passion that is your beauty, mystery, and glow; a sight so pulchritudinous it rivals that of the sun. The sun, which similar to a woman, creates and sustains life, and is the center of all mankind. If I am the earth, you are the sun.
So I will lay down my body on a bed of roots and stems, viewing the sun through imperfect eyes. Never forgetting, the calm created in my mind by your very smile; a smile from a face that rivals the sun.
R. Novia Jr.
Monday, November 7, 2011
The Game.
Everybody knows of the game. It's how we think things should be played, as if there are rules to meeting, and dating someone. Now, I know there are standard socially accepted stages of dating, hoping to progress onto something else; something greater. But how do you manage human lust, and the urge to chase what your body and mind tell you to? I just don't know. I have yet to figure out that end of the dating ritual.
Getting to know someone is a difficult thing. It's even harder to get to know them when you feel some sort of lust for them. That is what happens to humans, we find ourselves in lust with someone. Intoxication of the mind. The way they smell, the way you want to look them in the eyes for what seems eternity. You crack jokes to see their smile, because inside, when you get a glimpse of their happiness, it elevates yours. Their movements, body language, everything about them haunts your thoughts for moments to come. You want to know their thoughts- you wish you could climb up into their head and read their thoughts about you. It's intense; it's a slight pain, but it hurts so good. I guess for me, that is the closest I come to being a fiend for a substance.
When you meet someone, and all you think about is what to text them, how long to wait for the first phone call, who else they might be seeing; did I say the wrong thing, we had such a good time, blah, blah, blah. If you haven't been there, in my opinion (and opinions are like assholes, everyone has one) you aren't putting yourself in a position to be vulnerable. I find I would rather hurt a thousand times, and love, then remain cold, calculated, and disconnected to someone for the sake of being hurt. Going out on a limb may be suicide by today's dating standards, but what the hell are we doing anyways?
What happened to courtship? I'm serious. What happened to talking a girl out on a proper date? What happened to meeting their parents, asking permission to spend time with their daughter? I'm not saying I NEED this, some women don't have that ability, given certain scenarios. It would be nice to experience some sort of courtship outside the bar scene, though. I feel the social scene has become numb to the real reasons we seek the company of a significant other, and it has an obtuse way of setting up scenarios to meet.
I, just as much as any other man, am guilty of following like sheep to the watering hole. The general consensus is, "you're not going to meet a girl at a bar. Do you want to be with a girl who hangs out in bars?" and every man, (that I know) answer "no." Why not? I'll tell you why. Most women themselves are scared of men, more so than men are of women. But the bar scene also creates men that find women as objects, and things you can use. A male's inner instinct to mate is strong. Real strong, but something about respecting your mate has to either be taught, or carried within; I for one look at the possibility of being with a woman as fun, exciting, and intoxicating, but not at their expense. But it goes both ways- women that throw themselves at men when intoxicated expect you to have self control, and respect them. It's a double edge sword that has become society.
I don't have money. I don't have my shit together. Hell, right now, I live at home with my parents for god's sake. But being a good man isn't enough now a days. Men are judged on their ability to provide for a woman. Not all women are like this, and again, i'm going off of the demographic I surround myself with. I'm not saying she's a gold digger...you know the rest of the kanye song.
Getting to know someone is a difficult thing. It's even harder to get to know them when you feel some sort of lust for them. That is what happens to humans, we find ourselves in lust with someone. Intoxication of the mind. The way they smell, the way you want to look them in the eyes for what seems eternity. You crack jokes to see their smile, because inside, when you get a glimpse of their happiness, it elevates yours. Their movements, body language, everything about them haunts your thoughts for moments to come. You want to know their thoughts- you wish you could climb up into their head and read their thoughts about you. It's intense; it's a slight pain, but it hurts so good. I guess for me, that is the closest I come to being a fiend for a substance.
When you meet someone, and all you think about is what to text them, how long to wait for the first phone call, who else they might be seeing; did I say the wrong thing, we had such a good time, blah, blah, blah. If you haven't been there, in my opinion (and opinions are like assholes, everyone has one) you aren't putting yourself in a position to be vulnerable. I find I would rather hurt a thousand times, and love, then remain cold, calculated, and disconnected to someone for the sake of being hurt. Going out on a limb may be suicide by today's dating standards, but what the hell are we doing anyways?
What happened to courtship? I'm serious. What happened to talking a girl out on a proper date? What happened to meeting their parents, asking permission to spend time with their daughter? I'm not saying I NEED this, some women don't have that ability, given certain scenarios. It would be nice to experience some sort of courtship outside the bar scene, though. I feel the social scene has become numb to the real reasons we seek the company of a significant other, and it has an obtuse way of setting up scenarios to meet.
I, just as much as any other man, am guilty of following like sheep to the watering hole. The general consensus is, "you're not going to meet a girl at a bar. Do you want to be with a girl who hangs out in bars?" and every man, (that I know) answer "no." Why not? I'll tell you why. Most women themselves are scared of men, more so than men are of women. But the bar scene also creates men that find women as objects, and things you can use. A male's inner instinct to mate is strong. Real strong, but something about respecting your mate has to either be taught, or carried within; I for one look at the possibility of being with a woman as fun, exciting, and intoxicating, but not at their expense. But it goes both ways- women that throw themselves at men when intoxicated expect you to have self control, and respect them. It's a double edge sword that has become society.
I don't have money. I don't have my shit together. Hell, right now, I live at home with my parents for god's sake. But being a good man isn't enough now a days. Men are judged on their ability to provide for a woman. Not all women are like this, and again, i'm going off of the demographic I surround myself with. I'm not saying she's a gold digger...you know the rest of the kanye song.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
time.
This Sunday, I went with by boy josh to see In Time, as a bro date. You know, two grown ass men going to the movies on a Sunday is, to some people, weird. Anyways, the movie got me thinking about time, and its use as currency now, and how it is valued. We aren't really that far off from the premise of the movie- and no, I'm not going to give it away. But seriously, its creepy. We work for, and pay each other with currency. What you buy directly reflects what you make; some people make $15 per hour, and struggle, where as some make hundreds per HR and write your checks.
Now this is very capitalistic, and I know its not all like this, But what makes my time less valuable than say, bill gates? Opportunity. And there is a cost associated with opportunity, and it can get expensive. In human life, white, black, brown, yellow, whatever, we are all equal humans. But because of currency, and greed, time has been monetized (sp?) To help the advancement of some, and the oppression of others. Send me back a few hundred years or more, i'd be rich by standards; I'm a large, physical young man, who could take what he wanted, where currency was earned by alpha males in battle. Opportunity costs money. Today, gladiators do battle on wall street with their minds as business owners,leading mini platoons in the finance war, for their claim to a piece of the pie.
That's why, I see Justin timberlake's character in time similar to Tyler Durden in fight club; a rebel on a mission to break society. I'm all about the rules- and I'm about making money. But when some people have to be stepped on for a few to be infinitely rich, that's wrong. Banks and financial institutions run this country, and past leaders of the free world have warned us against this concept: banks being too big to fail. To them, time is money. If you hold up time, you stop their income flow. Stop their income flow, and watch inflation happen. With inflation, comes falsified value increases, and when the bubble pops, we end up where we're at now. I don't feel as extreme as those from say fight club, or in time, but I see parallels in my outlook on the way we have become dependent on time sensitive tasks, and earning capabilities. Tyler Durden in fight club made soap from liposuction fat deposits, and sold it back to the very people getting these procedures. It's a sense of anarchy; a sense that we as people have to rebel a bit, and continue to fight time. So giving the public a bit of their own medicine is comical, and much needed some times. *cue Tyler Durden speech- This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. *
You'll probably find me referencing fight club quite often, as it's by far my favorite movie of all time. I just connect with the idea of the movie; even though I struggle to implicate those thought processes into my own life. But what happens when we as people become nothing more than a time sensitive piece in a larger cog of financial success for the powers that be? Damn, that's deep as hell. But we go with the flow of society. Patterns show themselves that human life has a price on it, and a financial institution buys and sells the idea of human life as a commodity. It may not be on the stock market, but human life is only as valuable as the market will bear; making population inflation resulting in the same deflation of value when the mint prints fresh new $100 bills. Too many in circulation.
The balance of power has been thrown off, and the end result is more time. People feel they only have this lifetime to do everything they want. True; but some people take that scenario to extremes. This causes the rich to get rich, (enjoy their life more) and the poor to get poorer (causing crime rates to rise, and poverty to skyrocket.) Why are so many people unemployed? because businesses can cut people, and have one person do two employees jobs now, for fear of losing heir job. And they'll do it for less an hour as well. See the pattern? But we can't regulate a standard salary, I agree, that's not the american way. But, there has to be some sort of medium. I know it's out there, I just haven't completely got my head around how to start Project Mayhem yet.....
This Sunday, I went with by boy josh to see In Time, as a bro date. You know, two grown ass men going to the movies on a Sunday is, to some people, weird. Anyways, the movie got me thinking about time, and its use as currency now, and how it is valued. We aren't really that far off from the premise of the movie- and no, I'm not going to give it away. But seriously, its creepy. We work for, and pay each other with currency. What you buy directly reflects what you make; some people make $15 per hour, and struggle, where as some make hundreds per HR and write your checks.
Now this is very capitalistic, and I know its not all like this, But what makes my time less valuable than say, bill gates? Opportunity. And there is a cost associated with opportunity, and it can get expensive. In human life, white, black, brown, yellow, whatever, we are all equal humans. But because of currency, and greed, time has been monetized (sp?) To help the advancement of some, and the oppression of others. Send me back a few hundred years or more, i'd be rich by standards; I'm a large, physical young man, who could take what he wanted, where currency was earned by alpha males in battle. Opportunity costs money. Today, gladiators do battle on wall street with their minds as business owners,leading mini platoons in the finance war, for their claim to a piece of the pie.
That's why, I see Justin timberlake's character in time similar to Tyler Durden in fight club; a rebel on a mission to break society. I'm all about the rules- and I'm about making money. But when some people have to be stepped on for a few to be infinitely rich, that's wrong. Banks and financial institutions run this country, and past leaders of the free world have warned us against this concept: banks being too big to fail. To them, time is money. If you hold up time, you stop their income flow. Stop their income flow, and watch inflation happen. With inflation, comes falsified value increases, and when the bubble pops, we end up where we're at now. I don't feel as extreme as those from say fight club, or in time, but I see parallels in my outlook on the way we have become dependent on time sensitive tasks, and earning capabilities. Tyler Durden in fight club made soap from liposuction fat deposits, and sold it back to the very people getting these procedures. It's a sense of anarchy; a sense that we as people have to rebel a bit, and continue to fight time. So giving the public a bit of their own medicine is comical, and much needed some times. *cue Tyler Durden speech- This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. *
You'll probably find me referencing fight club quite often, as it's by far my favorite movie of all time. I just connect with the idea of the movie; even though I struggle to implicate those thought processes into my own life. But what happens when we as people become nothing more than a time sensitive piece in a larger cog of financial success for the powers that be? Damn, that's deep as hell. But we go with the flow of society. Patterns show themselves that human life has a price on it, and a financial institution buys and sells the idea of human life as a commodity. It may not be on the stock market, but human life is only as valuable as the market will bear; making population inflation resulting in the same deflation of value when the mint prints fresh new $100 bills. Too many in circulation.
The balance of power has been thrown off, and the end result is more time. People feel they only have this lifetime to do everything they want. True; but some people take that scenario to extremes. This causes the rich to get rich, (enjoy their life more) and the poor to get poorer (causing crime rates to rise, and poverty to skyrocket.) Why are so many people unemployed? because businesses can cut people, and have one person do two employees jobs now, for fear of losing heir job. And they'll do it for less an hour as well. See the pattern? But we can't regulate a standard salary, I agree, that's not the american way. But, there has to be some sort of medium. I know it's out there, I just haven't completely got my head around how to start Project Mayhem yet.....
Rebuilding
I never thought in a million years i'd use the term "rebuilding" when it came to my life. But sometimes, instead of constantly improving on something, you need to tear it down, and rebuild, fresh new foundation, fresh new start. It's similar to a saying my dad used to use; "sometimes, you just gotta punt." It's a smart way to look at things. My mom just came off having a heart attack 2 weeks ago- talk about scary, it's nuts. I couldn't imagine losing a parent, and for those of you who have, much love. I'd gladly share my parents with you, since they are loving, and great, and would totally take you all in, on that level( you can't live there though...). When I got news, I really reflected on life- and realized i'm glad i've been rebuilding a better me. But I still have things to work out. I WILL be in the best shape of my life by spring. Oh, it will happen. No heart attacks for this guy. I been working at it, 3-4 times a week, and it's finally starting to show/pay off. That and my new hair style, I finally look better/ older. Adios Faux Hawk, as of yesterday, i'm retiring you for a while. The new one is more me. whatever though, i'm rambling on again.
I seem to have gotten past the "punt" stage, and am working hard at rebuilding. Things are so much better now than this time last year; that i'll vouch for, haha. So many things can change, and you realize a full life overhaul, however difficult it may be, involves letting things go, picking new ones up, and maybe cleaning off some old parts and working them into the mix. I'm in a happy place, much happier then I have been in a while. I could bitch- hell yea. I could complain like Veruca Salt in charlie and the chocolate factory...because I want what I want NOW, but I look at where I have been, and realize it's not worth it. Patience is a virtue i'm straining to learn, but soaking it in.
This time last year, I was finally almost done unpacking my things. I had met some friends, but more bar buddies, that I'd party with on the weekends at the Tin Roof, or downtown. Cool. They were cool, but I was foreign to the scene, and didn't know where I fit in. Actually, I didn't remember who I was. (if your reading this,then you've read the other blogs, so you know what i'm talking about. If not, educate yourselves people; it takes 10 mins.) But somehow, through it all, I made good, lasting relationships. Fast forward a year, and damn, shit is all different. Those "acquaintances" became, what I hope, to be life long, GREAT friendships. A few new ones have come along, but i'm feeling them out, day by day. Can't let the leash out too much yet.
I find myself reflecting on those times, making sure I don't take my friends I have made here for granted. They mean so much to me, they have become a big part of my life. I don't know how I have impacted their lives really, (it's not like we sit round and talk about it over krumpets and pund cake...damn, cake sounds good), but I hope I've made some part of their life better, by being their friend. This part of me took the most rebuilding. But it was the easiest to fix; I was always a social person, and a great friend, I just lost my way when I got married. These things happen, and if you have been married young, you know whats up. I need to say no more. Upon re-kindling my ability to be a good friend I find i'm down and willing to do ANYTHING at a drop of a hat. (within reason.) Drinks after work? Hell yeah. Bar friday night? Yup. Preds game saturday night? Oh you know it. Church sunday? ummm...haha, of course. I'm open to hang with like minded people anytime, provided my car is behaving, and I just got paid. I'm NOT a perfect friend, but then again anything perfect will cease to exist- thats what they say. I got issues, but I hope they don't outweigh the good.
I'm trying to be a good person. Being a good person makes me more attractive. Not in a, "hey there" kinda way, (ok, maybe i'm trying to get there) but a more attractive person to be around. I try surrounding myself with people who uplift my spirits, challenge my brain to be better, and support me in what ever it is I want to do. Like this new job- maaaannn, let me tell you, I freelanced, and worked at kroger for 8 months while waiting for a steady job. Talk about labor intensive rebuilding- my god, it was one of THE lowest points of my life. I was killing it freelancing for a long time...then something dried up. I don't know, but it did. So, I feel like this new job adds to my foundation, for a better life. My friends were so happy for me, genuinely. One of my buds who travels all the time gave me the big old bro hug, and told me, " dude, i'm proud of you." Shit, I'm proud of me too, but it shows my group of friends care, and it's truth. For me, more money = happier times (it does, money moves the world people) = happier Richie, = better outlook, and willingness to improve ones self. I feel like I've stepped off my hampster wheel of depression, and someone gave me a gatorade. (I like lemon lime, BTW, my fav drink ever.)
Rebuilding myself makes me find the things that used to make me happy, post breakup, post move, post liquidation of my company, post unemployment, blah, blah. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me- I know no matter what, rich, poor, i'm going to be me, just me, flaws and all, and if I choose to get walked on for being too charitable, or an "emotional dumpster" as one friend calls me, it's who I am. So if your rebuilding, know I got your back. I really do. Let's rebuild together, and learn about ourselves; creating the best version of us we can make. It's just become fun. Today, I saw a young woman struggling with her flat tire at the gas station, in the pouring rain. I was on lunch, but something said "go help her." So, I did. I replaced the flat with her spare, on my hands and knees,in the pouring rain. She turned out to be really cool. Her name is Shannon, she lives locally, and, would you believe it, I got her number(she took mine too), and we're going to go out one night. Will it ever ACTUALLY happen? who knows. But her smile was warm, and her eyes were gorgeous. But, either way, I helped someone. It felt good, no matter what I got out of it, the perks are menial. she needed help, I was there.
Maybe, go out of your way to help someone- you never know if they need a gatorade to help boost their rebuild plan. Yeah, I brought it back like that. Much love,
-R
I seem to have gotten past the "punt" stage, and am working hard at rebuilding. Things are so much better now than this time last year; that i'll vouch for, haha. So many things can change, and you realize a full life overhaul, however difficult it may be, involves letting things go, picking new ones up, and maybe cleaning off some old parts and working them into the mix. I'm in a happy place, much happier then I have been in a while. I could bitch- hell yea. I could complain like Veruca Salt in charlie and the chocolate factory...because I want what I want NOW, but I look at where I have been, and realize it's not worth it. Patience is a virtue i'm straining to learn, but soaking it in.
This time last year, I was finally almost done unpacking my things. I had met some friends, but more bar buddies, that I'd party with on the weekends at the Tin Roof, or downtown. Cool. They were cool, but I was foreign to the scene, and didn't know where I fit in. Actually, I didn't remember who I was. (if your reading this,then you've read the other blogs, so you know what i'm talking about. If not, educate yourselves people; it takes 10 mins.) But somehow, through it all, I made good, lasting relationships. Fast forward a year, and damn, shit is all different. Those "acquaintances" became, what I hope, to be life long, GREAT friendships. A few new ones have come along, but i'm feeling them out, day by day. Can't let the leash out too much yet.
I find myself reflecting on those times, making sure I don't take my friends I have made here for granted. They mean so much to me, they have become a big part of my life. I don't know how I have impacted their lives really, (it's not like we sit round and talk about it over krumpets and pund cake...damn, cake sounds good), but I hope I've made some part of their life better, by being their friend. This part of me took the most rebuilding. But it was the easiest to fix; I was always a social person, and a great friend, I just lost my way when I got married. These things happen, and if you have been married young, you know whats up. I need to say no more. Upon re-kindling my ability to be a good friend I find i'm down and willing to do ANYTHING at a drop of a hat. (within reason.) Drinks after work? Hell yeah. Bar friday night? Yup. Preds game saturday night? Oh you know it. Church sunday? ummm...haha, of course. I'm open to hang with like minded people anytime, provided my car is behaving, and I just got paid. I'm NOT a perfect friend, but then again anything perfect will cease to exist- thats what they say. I got issues, but I hope they don't outweigh the good.
I'm trying to be a good person. Being a good person makes me more attractive. Not in a, "hey there" kinda way, (ok, maybe i'm trying to get there) but a more attractive person to be around. I try surrounding myself with people who uplift my spirits, challenge my brain to be better, and support me in what ever it is I want to do. Like this new job- maaaannn, let me tell you, I freelanced, and worked at kroger for 8 months while waiting for a steady job. Talk about labor intensive rebuilding- my god, it was one of THE lowest points of my life. I was killing it freelancing for a long time...then something dried up. I don't know, but it did. So, I feel like this new job adds to my foundation, for a better life. My friends were so happy for me, genuinely. One of my buds who travels all the time gave me the big old bro hug, and told me, " dude, i'm proud of you." Shit, I'm proud of me too, but it shows my group of friends care, and it's truth. For me, more money = happier times (it does, money moves the world people) = happier Richie, = better outlook, and willingness to improve ones self. I feel like I've stepped off my hampster wheel of depression, and someone gave me a gatorade. (I like lemon lime, BTW, my fav drink ever.)
Rebuilding myself makes me find the things that used to make me happy, post breakup, post move, post liquidation of my company, post unemployment, blah, blah. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me- I know no matter what, rich, poor, i'm going to be me, just me, flaws and all, and if I choose to get walked on for being too charitable, or an "emotional dumpster" as one friend calls me, it's who I am. So if your rebuilding, know I got your back. I really do. Let's rebuild together, and learn about ourselves; creating the best version of us we can make. It's just become fun. Today, I saw a young woman struggling with her flat tire at the gas station, in the pouring rain. I was on lunch, but something said "go help her." So, I did. I replaced the flat with her spare, on my hands and knees,in the pouring rain. She turned out to be really cool. Her name is Shannon, she lives locally, and, would you believe it, I got her number(she took mine too), and we're going to go out one night. Will it ever ACTUALLY happen? who knows. But her smile was warm, and her eyes were gorgeous. But, either way, I helped someone. It felt good, no matter what I got out of it, the perks are menial. she needed help, I was there.
Maybe, go out of your way to help someone- you never know if they need a gatorade to help boost their rebuild plan. Yeah, I brought it back like that. Much love,
-R
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