Rebuilding

I never thought in a million years i'd use the term "rebuilding" when it came to my life. But sometimes, instead of constantly improving on something, you need to tear it down, and rebuild, fresh new foundation, fresh new start. It's similar to a saying my dad used to use; "sometimes, you just gotta punt." It's a smart way to look at things. My mom just came off having a heart attack 2 weeks ago- talk about scary, it's nuts. I couldn't imagine losing a parent, and for those of you who have, much love. I'd gladly share my parents with you, since they are loving, and great, and would totally take you all in, on that level( you can't live there though...). When I got news, I really reflected on life- and realized i'm glad i've been rebuilding a better me. But I still have things to work out. I WILL be in the best shape of my life by spring. Oh, it will happen. No heart attacks for this guy. I been working at it, 3-4 times a week, and it's finally starting to show/pay off. That and my new hair style, I finally look better/ older. Adios Faux Hawk, as of yesterday, i'm retiring you for a while. The new one is more me. whatever though, i'm rambling on again.

I seem to have gotten past the "punt" stage, and am working hard at rebuilding. Things are so much better now than this time last year; that i'll vouch for, haha. So many things can change, and you realize a full life overhaul, however difficult it may be, involves letting things go, picking new ones up, and maybe cleaning off some old parts and working them into the mix. I'm in a happy place, much happier then I have been in a while. I could bitch- hell yea. I could complain like Veruca Salt in charlie and the chocolate factory...because I want what I want NOW, but I look at where I have been, and realize it's not worth it. Patience is a virtue i'm straining to learn, but soaking it in.

This time last year, I was finally almost done unpacking my things. I had met some friends, but more bar buddies, that I'd party with on the weekends at the Tin Roof, or downtown. Cool. They were cool, but I was foreign to the scene, and didn't know where I fit in. Actually, I didn't remember who I was. (if your reading this,then you've read the other blogs, so you know what i'm talking about. If not, educate yourselves people; it takes 10 mins.) But somehow, through it all, I made good, lasting relationships. Fast forward a year, and damn, shit is all different. Those "acquaintances" became, what I hope, to be life long, GREAT friendships. A few new ones have come along, but i'm feeling them out, day by day. Can't let the leash out too much yet.

I find myself reflecting on those times, making sure I don't take my friends I have made here for granted. They mean so much to me, they have become a big part of my life. I don't know how I have impacted their lives really, (it's not like we sit round and talk about it over krumpets and pund cake...damn, cake sounds good), but I hope I've made some part of their life better, by being their friend. This part of me took the most rebuilding. But it was the easiest to fix; I was always a social person, and a great friend, I just lost my way when I got married. These things happen, and if you have been married young, you know whats up. I need to say no more. Upon re-kindling my ability to be a good friend I find i'm down and willing to do ANYTHING at a drop of a hat. (within reason.) Drinks after work? Hell yeah. Bar friday night? Yup. Preds game saturday night? Oh you know it. Church sunday? ummm...haha, of course. I'm open to hang with like minded people anytime, provided my car is behaving, and I just got paid. I'm NOT a perfect friend, but then again anything perfect will cease to exist- thats what they say. I got issues, but I hope they don't outweigh the good.

I'm trying to be a good person. Being a good person makes me more attractive. Not in a, "hey there" kinda way, (ok, maybe i'm trying to get there) but a more attractive person to be around. I try surrounding myself with people who uplift my spirits, challenge my brain to be better, and support me in what ever it is I want to do. Like this new job- maaaannn, let me tell you, I freelanced, and worked at kroger for 8 months while waiting for a steady job. Talk about labor intensive rebuilding- my god, it was one of THE lowest points of my life. I was killing it freelancing for a long time...then something dried up. I don't know, but it did. So, I feel like this new job adds to my foundation, for a better life. My friends were so happy for me, genuinely. One of my buds who travels all the time gave me the big old bro hug, and told me, " dude, i'm proud of you." Shit, I'm proud of me too, but it shows my group of friends care, and it's truth. For me, more money = happier times (it does, money moves the world people) = happier Richie, = better outlook, and willingness to improve ones self. I feel like I've stepped off my hampster wheel of depression, and someone gave me a gatorade. (I like lemon lime, BTW, my fav drink ever.)

Rebuilding myself makes me find the things that used to make me happy, post breakup, post move, post liquidation of my company, post unemployment, blah, blah. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me- I know no matter what, rich, poor, i'm going to be me, just me, flaws and all, and if I choose to get walked on for being too charitable, or an "emotional dumpster" as one friend calls me, it's who I am. So if your rebuilding, know I got your back. I really do. Let's rebuild together, and learn about ourselves; creating the best version of us we can make. It's just become fun. Today, I saw a young woman struggling with her flat tire at the gas station, in the pouring rain. I was on lunch, but something said "go help her." So, I did. I replaced the flat with her spare, on my hands and knees,in the pouring rain. She turned out to be really cool. Her name is Shannon, she lives locally, and, would you believe it, I got her number(she took mine too), and we're going to go out one night. Will it ever ACTUALLY happen? who knows. But her smile was warm, and her eyes were gorgeous. But, either way, I helped someone. It felt good, no matter what I got out of it, the perks are menial. she needed help, I was there.

Maybe, go out of your way to help someone- you never know if they need a gatorade to help boost their rebuild plan. Yeah, I brought it back like that. Much love,

-R